Invisible "K"

Go ahead McDonalds, charge me whatever you want

Patric Welch — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:23:05 +0000

I confess. I have no idea if the price I paid for dinner tonight was right.

I can tell you what I ordered but that’s about it. You see, I took my kids to McDonald’s tonight. They ordered a Happy Meal, I got a snack wrap and a drink. The total was $12.38. Or was it $12.83. Wait, no. I think it was $11.90.

Do you see my point? I’m convinced McDonald’s could ring up any amount they want with me, within about a $5.00 degree of error in either direction, and I would never know the better of it.

Reassuring isn’t it?

Forget black and blue, I’m more concerned with black OR blue

Patric Welch — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:37:51 +0000

I have officially lost the ability to tell the difference between black and blue socks in my sock drawer.

Parents are liars

Patric Welch — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:29:04 +0000

I just told my son that I installed special sensors on the shampoo bottles and could tell if he actually used any shampoo when taking a shower.

I don’t have an ounce of remorse telling him this.

Fast rewind?

Patric Welch — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 01:04:14 +0000

Why is it fast-forwarding when moving forward but just rewinding when moving backwards. Why isn’t it fast-rewinding?

Gorgeous women shop at Target

Patric Welch — Fri, 22 May 2009 18:35:50 +0000

I’ve determined that only gorgeous women shop at Target. This is based on my years of scientific research. Well, not really years… and not exactly scientific. More like me just looking at the last 10 women I walked by in the Greenwood Target five minutes ago.

But you get the idea.

How to anal-retentively make a sandwich

Patric Welch — Fri, 22 May 2009 17:06:48 +0000

Whenever I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I always have to make sure the two pieces of bread line up correctly. So if the top corner of one slice rises a little higher than the opposing corner, the high-rising corners have to line up when I put the bread together.

When I goof this up, it bugs me the entire time I’m eating my sandwich.

Slowest elevator on the planet

Patric Welch — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 14:40:41 +0000

I think too much when I watch television. Like when I was watching House the other night and a scene showed House and Cuddy getting in the elevator. The doors shut and House and Cuddy had a conversation that lasted 45 seconds (yes, I timed it) before the elevator doors opened on their destination floor.

Here’s where the math guy in me goes to work. There are 7 floors in the hospital where House works. When Cuddy got in the elevator she pressed the button for the 2nd floor. Since I can’t be sure which floor they were on when they got in the elevator, let’s assume it was the 7th floor, the floor furthest from the 2nd floor.

That would mean they went 5 floors in 45 seconds or 9 seconds per floor. If I’m wrong about originating on the 7th floor, things get much worse. That means the elevator now takes either 11.25, 15, 22.5 or 45 seconds per floor.

I hope I never have an emergency requiring me to go to the 7th floor in this hospital!

Only 52,211 people ahead of me!

Patric Welch — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:56:27 +0000

Well, not me really, but my oldest son. Both of my kids just received their annual Packers season ticket waiting list priority #s in the mail yesterday. You see, I put them on the waiting list the day they were born.

My oldest, now 7 years old, is #52,212 on the list. My youngest, now 5 years old is #55,184.

Anyone care to wager if they will receive their season tickets in their lifetime?

Did you just say a**holes?

Patric Welch — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:01:02 +0000

My five-year old son read a book to me tonight. It went something like this:

My son (reading from the book): “I like the book with the assholes.”

Me: The book with the WHAT?!?!?!

My son: The book with the castles.

I’ll be in the bathroom cleaning out my ears if anyone needs me.

First out, first swallowed

Patric Welch — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:45:50 +0000

I’m very odd when it comes to taking my morning vitamin. I pop the cap off on the vitamin bottle, tilt it towards my hand and let a few vitamins fall out of the bottle into my hand.

I make sure to watch to see which vitamin came out of the bottle first. That’s the one I swallow. The others go back in the bottle. No exceptions.

When it comes to vitamins, It’s strictly first out, first swallowed for me.